We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
