Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
