She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
