sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize