all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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