I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
