I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
