We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize