What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
