I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
