mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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