Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
