He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
