Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
