yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
