whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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