I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love having hate sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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