hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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