He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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