Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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