is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
