I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize