I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
