Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
