I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
