he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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