i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
