I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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