I hate your face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
