I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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