I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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