When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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