i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
whose parrot is this?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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