It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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