you win again, gameday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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