woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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