one might say we're banned from that church
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
