is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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