come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
