I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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