I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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