Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
