if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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