dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
