if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
