Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
