If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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