Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
