last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
