A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
