Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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