my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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