How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
