WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
