all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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