Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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