Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
