We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
