I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
