made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
