she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
