Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I understand Curling. That high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
