thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
