sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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