What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
