i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
